dis_con_ect_ed

post number forty-four

2009-06-11T18:37:58Z

so i am back!!! i don't know if any of my old friends that used to read my journal are still around. i hope everyone is doing well.

post number forty three

2008-11-11T19:03:27Z

today im at work, not wanting to be here. i would much rather be at home warm under a blanked watching a movie. oh well. tomorrow is RC's birthday. i guess we are not doing anything really exciting. vegas is this weekend coming up. man it kind of came all of a sudden. the year is almost over, i cant almost believe that 2008 is almost gone. its been a crazy year for me. i think im glad its almost behind me. ive made so many mistakes this year, i hope next year i will be wiser. this post is starting to suck......so i will say nothing more. have a good day everyone!!!

post number forty two

2008-11-06T18:24:04Z

so halloween was fun. RC and i dressed up as devils. we made our own tails which was really cool. i drank too much vodka. luckily i did not have a hangover, unlike RC, hehehe!!! the following day was awesome!!! RC, my mom and lilttle ju-ju (my little brother's baby) went to the zoo. it was so cool to see the excitement in ju-ju's eyes!!! i wish i could see the world with his eyes. he is only two. all the animals he did not know he would asks us what it was. we would say the name and he would repeat it. it was amazing!!! he was in absolute amazement with the elephants. the only animals he was afaid of was the sting rays. the zoo had an area where everyone is allowed to touch the sting rays. yeah, he was not having it. he saw them swimming towards us he screamed so loud, it was really funny, poor baby was so frightened. i had such a great time. when it was time to leave ju-ju refused. i thought it was hilarious. anyway that was that. school's been great!!! i have good grades and my current assignment on e.e. cummings is coming along nicely. things are good. oh, almost forgot the weekend of the fifteenth i will be in vegas!!! im so excited!!! it will be my first time there. i really want to see "bodies" i cant wait!!! RC's birthday is on the 12th, so friends from los angeles will be meeting us. good times ahead i can feel it!!!

post number fourty-one

2008-10-23T21:31:17Z

the last few months i have been dealing with something i never wanted to deal with. i have been coping with it pretty well i would say but there are sometimes when i feel like im going to explode. i feel like throwing, breaking, and being destructive. i know this not a healthy feeling, i should just get over, but i somehow get an adrenaline high off of being pissed off. after wards i feel better but also worse, does this make sense??? i can feel the anger in my chest rising and i sometimes feel like i cant control it. others i choose not to control it, has anyone ever felt like this??? or should i find "help"???

on a brighter note, i had a lovely lunch with an old friend i had not seen in a while, i had forgotten how pretty she is. it was great chatting and catching up. everyone should take a day to hang out with old friends.

post number fourty

2008-10-21T18:23:43Z

this was posted on myspace a few days ago. i stole it from someone i dont know. i thought it was beautiful, and i felt like being a butterfly.....

"The butterfly is ever more blessed than other creatures of flight. Though all grace the heavens in the ecstasy of flight, the butterfly has known the drudgery of the craw-land and the lonely confinement of the cocoon."

im back, is anyone out-there??

2008-10-14T01:30:41Z

so the last time i posted anything was in may. its now mid october and many things are the same, some different. im a full time student now. i work 3 part time jobs, im broke like no body's business and my heart has seen many sad moments. right this moment im okay. full of anxiety and the hope of making it through another week of running back and forth. ive gained about 20lbs and i have no intention of getting on a diet anytime soon. i have picked up some useless habits like noticing hems of pant legs on random people and looking up odd words i hear on the street on dictionary.com. well......i just i can say im okay, just being me. so if anyone reads this please leave me a line or two, i need the encouragement........thanks

dis_con_ected @ 2008-05-13T13:37:00

2008-05-13T20:38:57Z

i wish i could say that i am feeling better, but i am not. my allergies are horrible. this mothers day weekend was not too bad. although something unexpected did happen, yesterday while at old navy i saw a man who had caused a great deal of pain to me as a child. he did not recognize me for its been over eight-teen years. i became nervous, i dont know what i felt really. RC did notice it, but he did not question me when i told him i was alright. i really did not know how to react to the situation. i felt numb.

post number thirty-seven

2008-04-29T17:16:35Z

hello everyone, i know i have been absent for a while. it has become harder to get to my emails and journal working two jobs. things have been okay for the most part. significant events, lets see..................on thursday night i was ill. i had a high fever and on friday morning i woke up with a blister on my bottom lip. it looks horrible. here it is tuesday and it is still there. except now i cant get it to heal because it dries up and breaks everytime i have lunch. i look horrid. i also got a strawberry seed stuck in under my thumb nail. it hurt like hell. at first i thought i had a sore thumb and went to bed. the next morning, (same morning of the blister) i saw a little seed stuck really deep under my nail and when i tried to pull it out i almost cried. RC has finally cleared out his storage and our apartment feels like a maze with boxes everywhere. guess what we're doing this weekend. i almost dread going home and seeing all of those boxes that need to be sorted through. anyway, im just glad there not mine.

i think im picking up a second part time job. it will only be three nights a week for about four to six hours per night. just until our bills are caught up. RC is also picking up a part time. i think we are going to be okay. i really do.

post number thirty-six

2008-04-16T17:23:09Z

this morning has been good. breakfast was yummy. cream of wheat and toast, i missed my coffee. after all my babies were fed, (the four birds, four fish and my turtle, oh yeah and RC, he he he) off to work. although i was feeling great this morning, i am starting to get a bit wheezy. my breathing feels, not so great. i think i may need to go home for a breathing treatment, that sucks.

last night i had to work, i was not too bad. i started watching the constant gardener, but i was too tired to continue, maybe tonight. anyway, just some things that are or has happened.

post number thirty-five

2008-04-10T18:07:26Z

okay so i am back. i really had to concentrate on work there for a bit. i think i have made an improvement in the office i work at. that makes me feel great. i gave caught on quite quickly and i like what i do. that is also good news. everything is also okay at home. RC is doing great. its been a really fun week for both of us.

i hope everyone is doing good. i have plans to enroll in summer school. i have some plans for becoming my own boss. of course that wont happen until, well it happens. i want to open up my own daycare center. i have a lot of support from RC and he is willing to help me out with everything. another person who is giving me their entire support is RC aunt. she is totally up for it. in fact she is willing to provide me with a facility. i cant even begin to describe how excited i am about all this. i am also very grateful for all the support i am getting from RC and his family.

well that is a quick update for now

post thirty-four

2008-04-01T17:58:32Z

im still here, i swear!!!! i have just been busy with work and work and work. how is everyone doing??? how was every ones bunny day??? i hope everyone had a good easter sunday. mine, was fun. although i did become sick that night. im still trying to recover. i have not gotten a chance to read through every ones journal, so im still trying to catch up. sorry for my being away, i hope no one missed me terribly, he he he!!!

post thirty-three

2008-03-11T20:43:23Z

new things:.............................i now have a myspace. yay!!! kind of, anyway. i have found a few friends on line and thats kind of cool. i need to down load some pictures into it. another thing that is new is that i wrote a letter to an old pen pal, whom by the way i found here on LJ. i hope she writes back and that she is doing well. i think that is all that is new with me right now.
this past weekend RC and i went over to his cousins house we played drinking games. it was a lot of fun. this weekend coming up is my friend lisa's birthday and im really looking forward to drinking it up. it should be fun.

so what has been up with everyone??? anything new???

post thirty-two

2008-03-04T23:49:01Z

yesterday while RC and i came home from delivering some plans to his boss, i heard some music coming from the church down the street. we were both curious about so we walked down the block. we saw that it was a funeral. i dont know why but i felt really sad after that. i think that the music added sadness to the event, as if it weren't sad enough. i cant explain what happened, but it really did something to me. i was very sad for the rest of the evening.

we also had an unexpected visitor last night, a friend of RC's. i met her before two summers ago at the warp tour. she seems to have some problems that she cant quite handle herself. i think its just a bunch of wrong choices catching up.

post number thirty-one

2008-02-28T18:33:57Z

i have been laughing out loud to myself for the last two days. i was home for lunch with RC and a creditor called and we decided to play the cat game from super troopers, it was hilarious. the woman on the phone said nothing. my favorite was at the end of the call after she thanked him for his payment, he said, "okay, i love you too!" she was dead silent, it was hilarious........ anyway, work has been okay and things in general have not been too bad.

i think i want bbq tri-tip sandwich for lunch, yum!!! so how has everyone been??? i hope everyone is doing great. okay i have to get bad to work meow. hehehe!!!

post number thirty

2008-02-17T18:33:03Z

i am at work and i have a co-instructor and she is totally fucking up my day!!! she is suppose to instruct half of the morning, she has taken two hours to finish what i can do in thirty minutes. its going to be a long day. i dis-like her at the moment.

i was up late last night again, i am possessed by the guitar hero fever and must remain glued to the television set with a guitar in my hand until i pass all the stages possible before sleep takes possession of my body. damn, i need some more coffee. i sound crazy!!!

so last friday RC and i went to the park (since i did not work) we walked around and played catch with a soft ball. it was a lot of fun. although i must say that the aftermath of that afternoon has been really painful. what i mean is that i am a fat-ass and i am so sore, you could not imagine the pain. sorry i seem to be using more profanity then usual.

so is anyone having a three day weekend??? if so, what are you guys doing with the free time???

i cant believe how long this day will be, having to work on a sunday, which by the way it just so happens to be a beautiful day outside, and having a moron instructor lengthen your day by maybe, two hours sucks major balls!!!!

post number twentynine

2008-02-13T19:44:32Z

im totally addicted to guitar hero. so i decided that it would be in my best interest to stop hanging out at best buy and purchase my own. so that is exactly what i have done. my weekends will be filled with endless hours of mind numbing fun rather than productive things like laundry and bathroom chores. yay!!!

so that is my latest news and the most exciting thing thus far this week. RC has been working a bit more which is always good news. i have decided to attend community college this summer, again. yay for general ed!!! im kind of stoked about it. maybe its just nervousness, i always get that way with things that terrrify me, like school. its a weird fear. anywho, i am almost done paying off my car, only two grand left. that is a very huge accomplishment for me. well i still have not done my tax return and i am trying to spend that money in my head. i start to think of what i will waste that money on and sure enough when it gets to my ansy hands it gets spent in all the wrong places. so this year i am making a list of where the money should go. hopefully it works.

so this new part time of mine is working out okay and i think i will be okay financially!!! yay for that!!!

okay got to go, everyone be good and if not post it here!!!

post number twentyeight

2008-02-08T18:51:00Z

friday, as much as i would like to be excited about it being a weekend, i am not. i have to work this saturday, which is no big deal cause i work all saturdays, but RC will be working the entire weekend out of town and that leaves me bored and alone with nothing to do. i think pretty soon i want to take an entire weekend off to go do what ever. i think i want to go to the park and feed the ducks, that would be nice.

post number twentyseven

2008-02-05T17:44:06Z

hey, im back!!! i have been pretty busy with running around from one job to another and have had zero time for me. it sucks major balls!!! work is busy whith is a good thing. im still stressing about making ends meet, but i think i'll be okay.

so yesterday i finally saw death proof. that movie rocks!!! i loved it!! i am definitely going to purchase that dvd!!! i also saw planet terror which was not too bad, but not as good as death proof. those girls rock!!! i love the music selected for the movie, i can wait to get my dirty little hands on the sound track, im very excited!!! (smiles)

wow, i thought i had a lot more to say, but i guess not. anyway i hope everyone is doing good i will now read through stuff and post some comments!! c-ya!!

post number twentysix

2008-01-23T15:53:27Z

hello everyone. i hope all is well. im doing better than expected. its raining and we expect it all week. i kind of like it. its very grey and gloomy outside. everything looks shiny. so i started working part time at this small non-profit business. its okay. the environment is much better to being at my previous job, that by the way i am still at part time. not by choice trust me. i need it to be able to cover all of my expenses. i would love to find a full time and just never come back to this place. other than stress from financial bondage everything is not too bad. not awesome, but okay. i think im content with everything else.

i wish i had more time to post more often and read some more journals, but i barely have enough time for laundry and house chores with all the running around that i do during the day.

okay so that was a really quick and boring update, i promise to have something interesting next time.

post number twentyfive

2008-01-17T19:19:16Z

here i am almost a week later and im at a new part time job. i do like it and its busy. that is why im on break as i write this. the last week has been horrible for me. i have been having some black clouds hovering over me for a few days now. i am truly sadden by things that have taken place in my life. i am at a lost for words. i am not even sure of what is going on with myself. im really confused of how i feel and i dont know what to do. i have lost my appetite and i have no will to do anything. all i want is to curl into a ball and be left alone. of course that is not possible because of my obligations. i would like to ask for help, but i dont think i am ready just now. im still trying to figure out what my opinion of the situation is and what i want to do. i know what this sounds like, i just need to clear my mind and try to focus on work.

so i have a birthday coming up this weekend, which i will be working on bot sat and sun. sucks, but i need the money. anyway, im not as excited as i was when the year began. i do have faith that it will be okay and that things will turn around.

post number twentyfour

2008-01-11T00:22:35Z

i was just thinking about the movie JUNO.... has anyone seen it??? i thought it was a good film. i really like the music played through out the film. i was thinking also how boring my life has become and when it became that way and why i allowed myself to be content with it. does anyone feel like that?? imagine you wake up one morning and all of sudden you realize that you work at a place you hate and you do nothing you have a passion for and all those things that used to bring you happiness have taken last place on your to do list. that is where i am righ this moment. stuck. unable to move, not even backwards. especially backwards. it has become a struggle with myself to complete my daily routine, which i despise. i want to write (hand write) in my journal like i used to. i want to sketch and paint and do all the art projects that i used to enjoy so much before i became this bitter girl i am today. when i am not at work im locked up in my apartment doing nothing. there is the occasional, "hey, come over for drinks at my place" but its just going to someone else' house and lock ourselves in there. im just rambling.................................................................this sucks............................but i am not good at making the first move............................but i must. people live his or her life the way they want. i have always been a strong believer in that, but i dont think this is the life i ordered. there must have been a shipping mistake. does anyone have the customer service number because i am being screwed!!!!

post number twentythree

2008-01-10T01:08:35Z

today is going much better than yesterday. i found another part time job and i think things are going to be okay. i hope.......anyway today when i went home i found RC with a book of poetry. it just so happens that its the book that selected one of RC's poem and published it. it was really awesome. he is really excited. his mom is super excited, and telling everyone she encounters. i think its hilarious because she always says, "my baby" and people always think of a small child, not a grown man. its funny when she introduces "her" baby and in walks RC.

post number twentytwo

2008-01-08T17:24:37Z

for anyone who reads this.....................i have had the most miserable week ever. between sick people, looking for a new job and trying to keep it together i am ready to fall apart. RC has been sick since friday evening. this last weekend we were both imprisoned in the apartment. it pretty much sucked!!! not that i wanted to go anywhere, i think the fact that i knew that i could not made it unbearable. i was unable to get much sleep with RC tossing and turing and his constant coughing. not to mention his waking up and walking around the apartment evey two hours, it was truly driving me up the wall. the real reason for me being upset was that i have been planning my escape from this job that i hate, my plan was to find another job and quit, well lets just say the beat me to the punch. the industry is very slow and the company is suffering (secretly i hope they fold) so last friday i was told that due to the circumstances and the way the industry is, the company can no longer pay my salary and they will eliminate my position. the only thing the company can offer me is part time hours. well i cant meet my rent and other bills on part time, obviously. i have sent out my resume out and have not heard anything yet. so here i am up shit creek, if i dont find a full time fast, i wont have a place to live. this sucks major butt!!! im losing sleep over this. i cant remember being this stressed out, ever.

well other than that horrid situation, all is well. i have not gotten sick yet although i have been around RC this entire weekend. i hope i dont jinx myself and become sick. well here's to everyone doing well and things working out okay for me.

post number twentyone

2008-01-03T22:26:46Z

welcome back everyone!!!! its a new year and i am determined to make it a good one for me. i have begun on the right foot for one. i have started to send out my resume. im excited i really am looking for a new job now. i am sick and tired of this place. so i am going to look for a place where my work is appreciated. wish me luck everyone and send some good vibes this way!!!

exciting things have yet to happen in my life. im looking into alternative schools and im making calls on monday. RC was offered some side work form a friend of his that has his own company in santa cruz. its exciting!!! RC drafts for a living, so the fact that his friend is about three hours away is not a big deal, ahhh technology!!! RC also received good news from the architect he works for now, he was told all projects given to MR. B will be passed down to RC. that is great news that means a lot more work for RC. which means maybe we can do the big trip we have been talking about for this summer!!! we want to drive cross country and see the great america (u s of a). we have also made plans for spring break, which is just around the corner, at rosarito. last year i had a blast!!!

so i know everyone is getting ready for school and envy you guys soooo much!!! i wish so much to be a full time student and have nothing else to worry about but school.

rain is expected for the next four days. no rain yet. on my drive home from work i can see the mountain tops covered in white. its awesome. sequoia national park and yosemite. its great all within driving distance. yet we visit so little.

hope everyone is doing well, or at least recovering from all the holiday drinking and eating. all is well here. whats on your mind???

post number twenty

2007-12-26T22:41:02Z

christmas is finally over. now to survive new years and i am set for another year. how exciting!!! christmas was really nice. christmas eve i spent in bed with RC watching movies until i received the dreadful phone call, it was my mom, she wanted me to go over and help out with the cooking. needless to say, i did not want to go. so i went anyway. christmas day RC and i took two of his younger cousins with us to sequoia national park to play in the snow. it was so much fun sliding down the little slopes. other kids that were there had created ramps and turns. i had so much fun. the drive up there was absolutey breath taking. the drive back i was really tired. as soon as RC and i got home RC fell asleep. this christmas was by far the happiest i have been in a long time.

this morning i woke up and realized that my four day weekend was over and that i had to be back at work. the good thing about that is that i will only be here for three days, then another four day weekend. yay!!! i had a weird dream last night about fish. giant gold fish swimming in the air. that's right , no water, just floating in my back yard. blue and orange ones, just floating around. the size of a medium dog. i dont know if this part of the dream was before or after the fish, i was in a store while it was being held-up. my mother and i stopped the robbery from happening. while we waited for the authorities to show we stood outside the store in the middle of the street while traffic came and went. to the left from where we stood was a park, kind of in the middle of the city, not many trees just green grass and people walking. there was also some kind of double decker buses going around and picking people up for tours. it was kind of weird since we dont have those here. that is all i can remember........the fishes were really cool. it was like i was shrunken and tossed inside an aquarium.

okay so that is the update, nothing exciting, a weird dream and cold toes.